I was just about asleep last night when inspiration struck! So of course i had to wake up and write for an hour. The problem was that I was trying to write the story the way I always have, but just alternating viewpoints in one scene. That wasn’t working. What I did was take a step back and added some distance, a narrator-type voice at the beginning of the piece and that helped me slide into what I think will work in terms of character thoughts and emotions. I didn’t get as far as I would have liked (it was late!) but there was definitely forward progress and I think i now have a section good enough to read in our Virginia Wolfe class on Thursday.

Now, I just need to finish the story while making sure to include some “stillness” description and counterpoint a la Flaubert and Madame Bovary and some layered detail description a la Hemingway. I don’t think my language will be the same as Hemingway, necessarily, that might now fit the piece, but I think I can use the technique. Maybe. If not, the other stuff should be enough.

I’m actually getting excited! I’m happy about that because it’s been awhile. I always let my personal life have too much influence on my writing life. But I will not bore anyone with all that here.

Last week I set a goal to either write something new or rewrite something significantly for my class tonight. I started writing a short story that I’ve been thinking about for awhile now (it covers a significant event in the back story of one of the characters in my novel). I also decided that I would use this short story to display all the nifty techniques we learned in my other class, including the shifting emotional consciousness of Virginia Wolfe’s To the Lighthouse.

So far, I don’t think it’s working very well. I’ve never written from a more omniscient-like POV before (i.e. shifting from one character’s head to another’s in one scene). I usually write in third person, but stay with one character for a whole scene. Anyway, I don’t like what I have so far. I don’t know if that’s because I’m not getting the inner voices of the characters right, or if it’s too choppy. There’s something wrong. Which is all right because I don’t have to turn the story in for grading until next Thursday (but that’s along with 2 other things I haven’t started yet, sigh).

But tonight I have to give what I have writen now over for my other class to look at and pretend they are editors. In a way, that’s good, because I may get some useful comments. But in another way that’s bad because they might not like it and then I’ll feel bummed.

And I’ve been feeling bummed a lot recently. And for no good reason at all.

Ok, bright side. They probably won’t hate it. I’m not getting graded on it or anything. I can completely change it if it doesn’t go over well. I should NOT let myself get worked up over this. I must remember to breathe.

<>
Short stories don’t attract me like novels do. I can admire them. I can appreciate the crafting of a good one. But I don’t seek them out. I can’t get immersed in a short story like I can a novel. I just don’t enjoy them as much.

Recently, however, I’ve been forced to read more of them while doing research and assignments for my course on publishing and also my other literature class. Obviously, like most MFAs, my program focuses on studying literary fiction, but they are nice enough to let me write whatever I want. Normally I don’t get many ideas for short stories. I have a ton of ideas for fantasy novels, a series of contemporary romance novels, and even an idea for a literary novel, but short stories have never come to me as easily.

But now, at the end of the semester when I have a TON of work to do and a novel to finish and revise, I’m coming up with ideas for new stories or ways to revise my other short stories to make them better (which is even worse because the urge to work on those is stronger).

I know what you’re thinking. Why should I complain? lol.

< /vent >

GOAL: I have to bring in a short work of fiction next week for one of my classes. I will either write something new or significantly revise something.

When I first started graduate school I loved it. I liked using my brain for a change and I took pride in the work I did and getting good grades. I even made some friends. Now that it’s my last semester, I still like seeing my friends and using my brain and impressing my professors, but I don’t like actually doing the work.

At least some of the work is creative. I have to come up with two short stories. One is supposed to be modeled after something else and one is supposed to include techniques used by some of the authors we’ve been studying. Which means neither of them have anything to do with my novel. I also have an essay to write, a major revision exercise to finish up and “a reading journal” to make up (yes, I said make up).

I had Wednesday AND Friday off. Did I do any of this work? No, of course not. If I wasn’t working on homework, did I write? No. Even though I have only something like 50 pages to go in my manuscript, I didn’t write. I spent a lot of time watching TV.

Perhaps this is just normal procrastination. Or perhaps my fear of change is having adverse consequences. School has been such a big part of my life for over two years. It filled up all my time. I never had a moment where I couldn’t have been doing something for school. As much as I look forward to having “free time” again, finishing up is going to leave a hole in my life.

The same goes for my manuscript. I’ve been seriously working on it almost the whole time I’ve been in school. And after I finish writing it comes the scary, more challenging part. Revision. Now, don’t get my wrong. I actually like revision, but it’s a HUGE undertaking, especially with the close to 500 page manuscript that I’m going have. Part of the book are pretty polished already (because I got to work on it in school) but parts of it are untouched. And then when I’m finished revising I have to let it go. To send it off to agents in hopes that they like it enough to send it to publishers. Besides the looming fear of rejection, finishing will leave another hole in my life.

Anyway, so I’m procrastinating. Both school and writing. Does one feed off the other? I don’t know. But I think it’s about time I stop. After all, I have to go back to the real world tomorrow. Both work and school will claim my time.